I hate it when I don't get what I want

So, I went to the nurse prac, and I really liked her. She gave me some go options. Told me some things I did not know. I AM NOT someone who looks up medical info on the Internet. There isn't anything wrong with it, I just don't. At the end of our meeting it was decided that I would meet one of "her" surgeons, even though I was set on the KU doc. I really liked Dr P. He is an iowan, who likes the hawk eyes, but not the cyclones. So I am having my C4,5,6 fused on Monday in St. Joe. So prayers please. I know God will take care of me.

My second opinion first

Today I go to the doctor, well a nurse prac in a nuerosurgeon's office for my second opinion. No I have not had a first opinion, but I will be seeing the nuerosurgeon that I have researched and selected in May. So I may have some news. I know they will ask me to do some things I am not willing to do. I am not willing to STOP living. I am a mom I cannot just stop doing everything, really I can't think of anything I can give up. That is just the way it is.

Tonight

Well I return to work tonight. I am doing laundry, since today is the only day I have not had some sort of appointment. Next week I see my first neurosurgeon. I say first because I have no intention of staying with this one. I am going because I have such severe motor and sensory loss my doc wants me seen before the doc I want can see me. To top it off I am seeing a nurse pract. So I have already requested them to have my release of records form ready. I have beem liberal on the pain meds this am so all is good. Here are some pictures of the pups and my babes. Levi has hockey in kc Sunday not rue if I will get to go. Right now I am trying to live, but I do understand that an injury could take everything away and I already know that in all likihood I have riden my last roller coaster, and countless other actives that we have enjoyed or planned to do. Ok so I am on my iPad not sure how to put pictures in here will figure it out and post later. Going to rest for work tonight.

This is not to offend today has been shitty

Okay so today I have been the biggest bitch. I have yelled and hatted. I have no idea why except prednisone and lack of sleep. Never have I slept on my back and now I can only sleep on my back. For fear of further injury, actually to avoid the most intense pain ever. My pt asked me today what I would do for a restful night sleep.....my answer was anything especially my husband. So I made this invite only because I will use colorful language and probable speak my mind (surprise) but I s don't want to offend the blog stuffing public and mostly I don't want to drone on about my problems to just everyone facebok. I have herniated disc at C3/C4- touch the back of your head that is C2 touch your shoulders that is C7. I have bulging disc at C5/C6 I have stenosis (narrowing) between nearly every C vertebrae C 3-7. I have several bone spurs on my C3-7v vertebrae. My left thumb is numb most of the time. There are times I cannot pick up a glass of water with my left arm s due to motor loss as a result of C5/6. There are times I cannot undo my own bra. I cannot bare the wt of my good bras so I wear my gross bras all the time (support is really under rated). THIS IS FROM A CHILDHOOD INJURY. The best I can remember I hit my head as a child when I got stitches in my forehead, and I rear ended a car in jr high. According to my doctors both probably caused damage as well as the powerful dancing to AC/DC in college. I hate my doctor's nurse and when she calls she pisses me off every time. I should be his nurse. More later. Jacob and Benjamin are separating clothes. Paula. Jacob may be posting.... Who knows.

Shit

This is the first so I am sure I will have problems...

Inspired

Today is grandparents day at school.  My parents are here for both boys.  I have decided to keep this up a bit better, although, I have said that before.  I am on facebook, but find that to be more demanding than it is worth.  My cousin posted on http://www.parkerhouse4.blogspot.com/ about my Grandad and she posted pictures of the farm.  The memories.  I was there and posted pictures last year, since then they have flattened the house, basically everything that made it ours is gone, except the barn.  I remember painting the barn-oil based paint-I may remember washing the paint off more than painting.  I have quit my job at the Veterans home and now am working at the local hospital in the ER.  I now work 2 days a week and am full time=the advantage of being a nurse...I will post more later, I have a cake to make for a lady at work for a bachelorette party.  Levi's comment to the cake is "why would they want a cake shaped like that?  Do they hate her?" yep its a penis cake...I think I like tractor cakes and fire truck cakes better...

dad's night

Tonight finds Benjamin and I home alone-preparing a talk that he and I are going to give Friday. We are alone because Levi's class is having "dad's night" at school. Yesterday they made Mummy Treats (rice krispie treats shaped like a head and wrapped in gauze). So Benjamin and I have played games then we started to look at the power point that I have prepared for Friday. My friend teaches human growth and development and health classes at a near by school and she asked me to show some pictures and go through the Benjamin story. He will be with me when I do the talk so the students can see him and we can do a comparison of him and a "normally" developed 4 year old. Granted he is not at all delayed, but he is significantly smaller and finer featured than most. He also has some preemmie features. The whole way through the slide show he kept saying "awesome" as he saw pictures of his tiny self. I think it will be good for him to show his story. I have always felt that he is no more of a miracle than every child, but he was in medical definitions a fetus for the first 70 days of his life, and we don't get to see that part of life.
Benjamin is calling for a bit of help with his domino cake, got to go!